I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
