What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
