I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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