Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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