I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
