It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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