You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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