Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
