I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
