"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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