if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
