u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
