this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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