guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
