wanna go halves on a baby?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
