i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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