Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
