I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
