I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
