I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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