I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
