so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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