it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
