i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
