i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I could make wine with my vomit
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
