The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
