i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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