I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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