Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
