It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
