You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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