she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
