Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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