Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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