My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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