Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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