fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
