:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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