I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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