ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
