Sorry, I don't speak sober.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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