JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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