he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
