I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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