you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
