Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
