I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
