Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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