Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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