Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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