i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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