cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
