Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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