If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
