It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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