Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
