we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In America we eat man semen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
