happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
