she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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