Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
