she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
