I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
