dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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