I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
