Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
