If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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