I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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