I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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