I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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