we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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