just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
