i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So apparently I’m into choking now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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