My nipple is on Facebook.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
